My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Found the puke drawer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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