You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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