omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
