Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
