once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
