Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want to make out with him forever
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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