Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
