How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
