All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize