I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
