Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
