Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
