she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
