so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
