i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
tell me about the eggs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
