I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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