Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm really busy with my period
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