Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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