Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
