I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish my penis had a tongue
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
