My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
