apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
