JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this will be a night to untag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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