So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
