I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
