if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
