pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
