We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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