My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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