I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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