you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
