I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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