I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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