can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
