Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
