I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
