I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
