I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
