i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
