ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
