she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it because I queefed?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
