I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
