im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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