he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize