You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
