and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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