I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
