well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
