We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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