My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
