Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
