You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
