So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
