i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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