Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
