I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
