if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need water and some morals
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