I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
