and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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