playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
