I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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