I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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