Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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