ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
