All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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