I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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