OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
