On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
